The Art & Science of Limp Bizkit: Chapter 1: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Right now I am sitting in the gift shop of an art gallery where I have an internship. Instead of it being a usual show that my friend Tyson and I set up, it's a private party which features some bands. On the first look of things I don't know how tonight is going to turn out. It can go one of these ways based on the shit my drunk little mind has gathered:

A: Totally-fucking-off-the-chain-balls-to-the-wall-awesome!!! There is a mini-keg of good beer here (Something from Bayern brewery...yum yum!) or
B: Super-fucking-shitty-fuck-balls!!!! The main person setting this up is wearing a Vertical Horizon t-shirt. Don't know who that is? Well remember back in 1999-2000 when major labels signed shit because they could make an album with one hit song and the other 11 tracks would be filler? [click here to see some shit]

So yeah. I guess I shouldn't make fun of people for liking the garbage that was created in the 90's. I mean, I am a huge blink-182 nerd/fan and I was one of those people that did fall in line with the garbage that was created during that time period. Who the fuck did not love Limp Bizkit? Even if it was for a single or two...who does not remember that shit? Everyone knew that Fred Durst and co. wrote the most fucking asinine songs ever! Seriously. Go back through your mix tapes [or cds] and I bet you'll find "Nookie" or "Rollin'" as the first or fifth track. When I think back to the time when Limp Bizkit ruled the world, it's kind of crazy. They were the ones that just beat the Napster age from just brutalizing them in the butts with illegal downloads and pulled off a feat that I doubt any artist will ever achieve again...sadly.

I remember my freshman year of high school when I met this dude named Sean. He was held back a year because he didn't pass Global Issues class and he ended up sitting next to me. We got to talking about music and what our favorite bands were [mine probably were something beyond fucking stupid...but not Limp Bizkit stupid] and he told me that LB was the fucking coolest band...EVER. No shit. I remember asking him if he was super stoked for the re-mix record that was coming out in less than a month and he said "Hell yeah." I don't think I ever met anyone else that was so into that band. I remember when Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water came out. It was HUGE. It was the first time since Elvis that a band was able to sell more than one million copies of a record in a week! No shit. At this point, anyone could assume that this band had taken rap/rock and made it something that was hear to stay forever. This band was going to make the world a better place and, in the end, influence artists for decades to come.

Fast forward to when the re-mix album came out and you will see the death of Bizkit. Everyone knows that re-mixes are the worst thing any artist could release [no matter how big you are at the time] and it shows you as an artist that you're fucking out of any good ideas. I just remember that coming out and a few months later no one really gave a shit about LB. No one. Well, maybe Sean did but the majority of the market that the industry was aiming for sure the fuck didn't.

I guess to sum this all up: Limp Bizkit sold a million copies of a shitty record in one week. That shit will stand the test of time while bands that we all love and probably deserve to sell this many won't ever. It's the world we live in and the mistakes we have to wallow in. Seriously. Limp Bizkit sold a million copies. In one week. Somewhere, Fred Durst is getting sucked off by a hooker with that cool million he got from a day of sales. Life is short. Life is shit. And soon it will all be over.

To be fair, "N2Gether Now" is an amazing song but that's because Fred doesn't do too much on that.
Man...music is depressing.